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Expect the unexpected

December 20, 2012

Last week, as I write this, was like most of my recent weeks. I’m really looking forward to vacation. It’s been a bit of a grind since my last vacation, way back in November. Sometimes it’s not the days, it’s the mileage.

Work’s been a wee bit stressful lately. It comes with the job description–the one that comes with living, not with any specific job title. And then there’s been my ongoing inability to get in a line that doesn’t feature the slowest cashier employed by the current establishment, coupled with an argument or someone who gets to the front and hasn’t thought about what donuts they want. For the love of all that’s good in the world, it’s a donut place. What did you think was going to happen when the guy asked for your order?

All because the lady at the front couldn’t take the trouble to figure out her order before she got to the front.

Nothing’s been major, just a lot of little crap that makes every day a new exercise in expanding patience.

Until Thursday morning, that is. Thursday morning, at about six-thirty, I started to experience tightness in my chest. I can’t say it really hurt, but it was uncomfortable. I didn’t feel right. And it didn’t go away.

So I did what every manly man does. I kept working. Hoo-rah! We are men; that’s what we do.

By noon, it hadn’t gotten better, so I did what non-morons do. I drove to the emergency room. (Okay, really, I stopped at the Minute Clinic and asked the nurse practitioner if she’d see me if I had chest pain. If you’re scoring at home, the answer is no.)

The magical let’s-look-at-your-heart machine was busted on Thursday–which is the hospital equivalent of someone getting to the front of the line and not knowing what donuts they want. So they had to admit me. It was okay. The hospital had wifi and room service.

They had to wake me up every 56 seconds to take my blood pressure, draw blood, or ask why my pulse is so low. (For the last time, yes, I run a lot so 44 is a normal pulse for me. Now let me go back to sleep.)

How about we leave a little for the vampires?

By a little after ten the next morning, I was laying on my back, not moving, while a potent cocktail of fun juice snaked through my veins. Various parts of my body were shaved and I had more stickers than an entire mall full of dollar stores. Then they cut a hole in my wrist and put a little tube in with a camera and snaked it all the way to my heart to see what might be the matter. It was all good, though. I had fun juice.

Other than being three sizes too small, there’s nothing wrong with my heart. It is, in fact, stellar for someone of my advanced age. That’s right, ladies. I am the model of cardiovascular health.

So took away the plumbing and I got to hang out in recovery with a nurse named Amy who had exactly the same birthday as I did. She was fun, I think. For some reason, I found out she likes Stella Artois beer. Unfortunately, they didn’t have any at the hospital. Mostly I don’t remember what I did in recovery.

I feel so much better now.

That’s life. One minute you’re answering IMs from work, the next you’re looking up at a computer monitor the size of a Jumbotron, watching the inside of your body.

I’m not Chris’s heart, but I play one on this blog.

Things going too well for your characters? Maybe it’s time to go back, drop a hint, and let them experience a surprise or two.

  1. December 20, 2012 6:13 am

    Glad you were okay, Chris!

  2. Chris Hamilton permalink
    December 20, 2012 6:22 am

    Thanks, Julie.

  3. December 20, 2012 6:51 am

    Chris, first off, glad you are okay. Was it just stress, too much caffeine? Again, glad you are healthy!

    • Chris Hamilton permalink
      December 20, 2012 7:20 am

      The doctor said it was the accumulated frustration of 35 years of being a Mets fan. Of course, he was wearing a Yankees pin, so…

      I don’t know what it is. It’s not my heart, though.

  4. Jack Owen permalink
    December 20, 2012 7:35 am

    I like stories with happy endings – and good beginnings. Happily you are on the first chapter of a new book. Hope its a long one! Happy Hols!

  5. Carol Anderson permalink
    December 20, 2012 8:27 am

    So, the cliffhanger: Who shot JR? Or in this case, is CH okay? Do we suffer until January 10 for new episodes while your blog posts reruns during your recovery or will you at least let us sleep well over Chriatmas vacation knowing you are okay?

  6. Chris Hamilton permalink
    December 20, 2012 12:24 pm

    I think Kristin shot JR. Or maybe that was the actress’s name. I’m good. Unless I’m not…in short, I don’t know what’s up. Given it’s not my heart, some of the immediacy of finding out is gone.

  7. December 20, 2012 3:56 pm

    Wow Chris! I’m glad you’re okay, and I hope you got to go have a beer sometime after recovering from all this. Okay, expect the unexpected. Will keep that in mind over the holidays. Maybe it will kick my butt back into gear. The holidays can’t get here too soon…

  8. Chris Hamilton permalink
    December 20, 2012 5:24 pm

    Yes, I did. I may have one tonight, as well.

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